Difficult Times Can Be Our Fuel
My biggest takeaway from my silent meditation retreat was to change the way I relate to challenging circumstances. My natural inclination is to wish for things to be different but that just makes it worse. Equanimity is not a word I had really used before this retreat but it became a huge aspiration going forward.
Equanimity is defined as: ‘mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation’. I have known a few people in my life who demonstrate this quality admirably and it is something I will spend a lifetime working towards. Even when I’m in a good mood, I tend to be far too reactive in the moment. My journal is full of pages dwelling on something upsetting, and as I read back I see that it was not remotely productive to simmer. Difficult situations will inevitably happen in life. Loss, disappointment, grief – it is all a part of the human existence.
One of the mediation teachers at the retreat had a quote that will stay with me forever. He said to think of difficult times as “fuel” for our practice. Having resistance makes it worse. If we think of a challenging moment as a teacher, as a way to practice building more equanimity, I have found it softens my aversion and helps me reframe the circumstances as a way to grow. Of course, we can still respond to a situation if there is a productive way to address it, but then it comes from a place of intention and composure, rather than a reactive or frustrated state of mind.
I think of this quote often. I try to pay attention whenever someone else is able to move through a challenging time with grace, and it inspires me to keep working on this quality. Perhaps it comes naturally to them or perhaps their life has given them a lot of fuel to develop equanimity. I try to notice when I am feeling resistance in my body about a situation and attempt to let go of the thoughts that aren’t serving me. Having the simple tool of thinking about it as “fuel” is helpful in the moment to catch myself. This mindset brings a sense of purpose to the situation. Even if I wouldn’t have wanted something to happen, I can use it as a way to build more equanimity and compassion.
This is one of many nuggets of wisdom I have discovered through dharma talks. Would love to hear your thoughts below!