My Experience at a 10-Day Silent Meditation Retreat

Posted On May 18, 2020

Meditation was one of those things that I had wanted to explore for many years. I went to a lecture by a physician in 2011 which discussed neuroplasticity and shared some of the studies about the impacts of meditation on the brain, and that is what really piqued my interest.  Soon after that, I tagged along with a friend to Monday Night Class at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Marin and I was so inspired by the speaker that I started researching silent retreats. I tried to learn as much as I could from blogs about other people’s experiences. I was initially thinking about doing a 3-day or 5-day retreat to ease into it but I read a blog about a 5-day retreat and the person said she was just hitting her stride as it was ending, and wished she had done 10 days in hindsight. 

So I put my name in for the lottery for the 10-day New Years retreat at Spirit Rock. I figured my odds of getting in through the lottery were low but alas, I got in, and it was a binding lottery. Nothing like jumping right in with a new hobby! I had been trying to do a short daily practice for awhile but having this on the calendar for December 2012 really motivated me to make it a priority. I invested in a meditation cushion and tried to meditate for 30-40 minutes a day for several months leading up to the retreat. I used the Insight Timer app. It seems like Headspace and Calm are more well-known but the Insight Timer has a free option that has been great for me.

As I got closer to the start of the retreat, I started to get nervous about what I had gotten myself into. Was this crazy? A lot of people asked if I could handle all that silence. That seemed like the easy part!  Though most people would probably describe me as outgoing and high-energy, I am an introvert at heart and was looking forward to the silence. The part that seemed daunting was the schedule: 15+ hours a day of meditation, with no reading, writing, devices or music. I can go without music but was very bummed to give up writing in my journal every day. As I entered the meditation center to start the 10 days, I felt a bit of panic at the thought of doing nothing but meditation from 6am to 9:30pm. What was I thinking? Why did I pay money for this when I could have taken a relaxing trip to Hawaii instead?

But there I was, so all I could do was move forward with checking in and signing up for my “yogi job” (wiping down the tables in the dining hall after dinner). I was assigned a random roommate named Sylvia and as soon as I met her, I was extremely grateful that this would be a silent retreat – she was overly chatty and quite irritating. 

Overall, despite a few challenging aspects, it was an amazing experience!  Here are some of the things that stood out for me:

Sleepiness: I had read about this in a few blogs so I had tried to be mentally prepared but I was SO TIRED for the first 3-4 days. I don’t think I had a sleep deficit so I suppose it was the brain reacting to a complete lack of stimuli. Thank goodness we alternated between seated meditation and walking meditation because many of us were almost falling asleep during the sits. I felt like I was in a dull fog. It finally started to clear after about 4 days and I was glad that I had signed up for a 10-day retreat because otherwise I would have been half asleep for the entire retreat if I’d done a shorter one.  

Raw Emotions: I think the retreat was most difficult for those who were processing grief or trauma. There were a few people who cried in the meditation hall almost every day throughout the retreat. It was a disconcerting experience to hear people crying and not be able to console them. Though meditating in a community of almost 100 people, we were all on our own dealing with our experiences at the retreat. I am lucky that I don’t have any unresolved issues so the bulk of my emotions came in the form of irrational anger towards my roommate Sylvia. In our room, she put the thermostat on 58 degrees and would open the window at night even though it was freezing outside. And then there she was again, opening the windows in the meditation hall too. I am one of those people who is always cold so she was driving me nuts. (I later learned that apparently this type of thing is a common occurrence; they call it the ‘Vipassana vendetta’.)  

Insights about Mental Patterns:  Spending 15 hours a day doing seated meditation, walking meditation, mindful eating and mindful table wiping, I had a lot of time to notice what was coming up in my thoughts. It was almost comical to see how deeply wired I am to plan for the future, to give myself an illusion of being in control.  At one point I was thinking, I want to come back here, but next time I would come in the spring or fall so I won’t be as cold. I had to smile at the irony: here I am, less than halfway through this ten-day retreat where I’m supposed to practice being present in this moment – and instead I am planning future retreats. Oops.

Peace: I have heard some people have significant highs and lows, including moments of sheer bliss. While I was lucky to not have terrible lows, I also did not have off-the-charts highs. Presumably this is different for each person, but for me the retreat was more of a deepening sense of peace and contentment. It’s not that once I reached a moment of peace, it was all smooth sailing. Every day there were ups and downs, stretches of restlessness etc, but on the whole the experience was less difficult and more peaceful than I had expected.

Dharma Teachings: Each night, one of the meditation teachers would give a dharma talk. They shared immense wisdom and many tidbits have stayed with me since then. The teachers were all quite funny (or maybe it felt that way because we were so starved of any other entertainment!)  The theme for this retreat was “The Seven Factors of Awakening” so the talks covered mindfulness, investigation, energy, joy, tranquility, concentration, and equanimity. These talks were the highlight of the retreat for me and have had a profound impact on my life since. There are thousands of talks available on dharmaseed.org that I discovered from this retreat, and they are one of my greatest sources of strength and happiness. Stay tuned for more posts on this topic!

I don’t know if a meditation retreat is for everyone, but it was a great experience for me and I did another 10-day retreat in November 2016 that I enjoyed even more because I didn’t have a roommate. I am hoping to do retreats more often, after this pandemic is behind us. I’m also planning to do a mindfulness teacher training, more on that in a future post.

Let me know if you have any questions or comments!